ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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