Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
