I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
