dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
false alarm, still single
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
