margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
