we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
