Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
