Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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