you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize