STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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