I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
