u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
