They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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