the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i believe in u and ur pee
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
