Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
