kristin has been a bad kristin
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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