oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
