I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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