Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
