We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
