you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize