I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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