why didn't you poke me back
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
