hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As shirtless as possible
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
