Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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