yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
