Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
