I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
