Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
