It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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