can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
