The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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