and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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