i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
