I cockslap morals
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
