so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
