Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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