You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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