drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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