i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
