Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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