I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
