don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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