Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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