If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just found puke in my bra..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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