I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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