So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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