I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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