On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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