the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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