I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
