I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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