Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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