I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
