I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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