we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
