is wine microwaveable?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
