I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
