When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
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1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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