if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
