fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
