I skipped work to stalk him.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
