guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
