Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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