At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
