2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize