toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
