tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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