got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
