Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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