So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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